Junior High Parents vs. My Mother-In-Law

Junior high parents can be so frustrating.  Sometimes I just wish they would think before they talk to their children.  I wish they would think before they watch that show or movie with their children.  I wish they would think before they do that in front of their children.  I wish they would just THINK!

Sometimes in ministry there is nothing more frustrating than dealing with parents.  In junior high ministry, parents can be the difference between a committed student and a student we rarely see.

There are few things that can rival a parent when it comes to causing frustration for us.

Then there is a Mother-In-Law.  A Mother-In-Law can sometimes meddle in things they need to stay out of.  She sometimes tries to tell us how to raise our kids.  She sometimes gives our kids way to much candy.  She also probably loves to tell you how to cook.

Junior High Parents and Mother-In-Laws can drive us crazy.  It is funny because both of these groups of people think they are doing the right thing.  They don’t see how what they are doing could be wrong or inappropriate.

These are two groups of people that make it easy for us to see what they are doing wrong (or different from what we think they should do).

If we look at things a little differently we can see that a parent or a Mother-In-Law can be a great asset.

Think of the parent that makes sure their student is in your ministry every week.  Then there is the parent that takes the time to read the Bible with their child everyday.  We have to think about the parent that is willing to say NO to their child.  Think of the parent that reaches out to you in good and bad times to allow you to enjoy the celebrations of their child’s life.

My mother-in-law prays for me everyday.  She reads my blog and tells me what she thinks of it.  She will read lessons and give me ideas about ministry in general.  She talks to me with respect and cares for my kids when I need help.

It is interesting how the people that we can see the most negative in, Parents and Mother-In-Laws, are the same people that can bring some of the most joy to our life. They can be some of our biggest assets in ministry and family.

I want to encourage you today to stop focusing on all of the bad situations in your ministry and life.  Celebrate the good things that happen.  Recognize people when they make good choices.  Celebrate with parents when they spend time reading the Bible with their children.  Say thank you to your Mother-In-Law when she does something kind.  Encourage right actions and good behavior and it can be contagious.

Take every opportunity to focus on the positives instead of the negatives.

8 Replies to “Junior High Parents vs. My Mother-In-Law”

  1. Brandon Best

    Some of those Mother-in-Law negatives for your own kid are things I am guilty of doing in my Middle School environment. Lots of candy, rock out a retreat weekend and then hand the kids back to them, tell parents a better way to do things… Maybe we can learn from this perpetive and gear our parent relationships to the positives.

    1 Response
    1. Terry Goodwin

      Good point Brandon! I think we definitely need to think about what we give back to parents as well. I hold an event called Dew Day every couple years and we do it on Sunday morning. We give students plenty of Mountain Dew on this day, but I try not to do something like this on a Wednesday night when students need to go to bed and have school the next day. We must be mindful of the parents.

  2. Debbie Smith

    As a mother-in-law and a public school teacher, I can sympathize. Terry makes a great point when he encourages us to focus on the positive. That’s not always easy and occasionally, we have to accept that the positive of a particular situation may be nearly undetectable. The jobs of junior high ministers result in extreme joy and unbelievable hurt. When you have a heart for junior high kids you open yourself up for a whole range of emotion. I give you all a lot of credit for serving God in this very important, and sometimes frustrating, ministry. Junior high kids are unique. Thank you for being there to show them Jesus.
    I’ll keep praying! I’m Terry’s mother-in-law and I’m very thankful and proud of him.

    1 Response
    1. Terry Goodwin

      Thanks for the comment Debbie! You make it easy to see the positives.

  3. Aaron Helman

    Terry-

    Just wanted to let you know that this is the BEST youth ministry blog headline I’ve ever seen. (The article is good too.)

    Aaron

    1 Response
    1. Terry Goodwin

      Thanks Aaron! I must admit I did have some inspiration when I decided to write it;)

  4. Prof Hardw(or)k

    I am a college professor and LPC Counselor who is teaching a freshman level survey course on marriage and family that is typically taken by students who plan on persueing a graduate level degree in psych, soc, or counseling psyc.

    I gave each of my 24 students an assignment to go find 5 websites they could share in breakout groups that gave really bad advice on marriage and family subjects that we have covered so far this semester. This article was judged by the class as being the worst advice out of over 100 online articles.

    Things my students identified in this article that are inconsistent with an affirmative/ secure attachment style of parenting:

    1) allowing an outside influence to criticize or define parenting roles
    2) dismissal of older members of a family unit (grandparent)—other students pointed out that exclusion of family members is a popular tool of cults and other harmful groups—since we are a small (but very old) Southern Baptist college in Texas the students might be judgeing this point too harshly.
    3) allowing outsiders to judge actions and define values (ie. this is good or moral and that is bad immoral)
    4) promotion of a belief system where children’s actions, beliefs, or values are judged by older family members or outside influences instead of focusing on caregivers developing children who have a secure attachment style and who have a holistic value system based on the child’s worldview
    5) The perpetuation of the false narrative that a traditional western nucular family is normative and anything other than that is inferior—leading to outgroup microagression of alternative parents, grandparent providers, and gaurdians.)

    I leave it at that without providing any additional commentary except that all members of families need to be valued.

    1 Response

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