What Culture Are Parents Creating?

Written by Luke Smith

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)

Chances are we have all heard the verse, probably many times.

What an amazing Biblical principal, but often referenced to on two opposite ends of the spectrum.

Some parents use this verse as a cornerstone verse in parenting their children and cling to it for hope when their kids are going through a tough season of life.

Some parents use the verse as an excuse to let their children do whatever they want and expect that one day they will magically return and serve God.

Whatever your take on it, it’s a powerful principle.

And so is this related verse:

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

As a father of four, with the oldest fast approaching the teenage years, I am realizing how easy it is to apply that verse to one area in the lives of my children, but miss other important areas.

How can I possibly be doing my job as a father if I am only training them up in one area?

It makes as much sense as training them to use the toilet but spoon feeding them the rest of their lives.

Yet there are parents who become satisfied with their children learning one aspect of what Jesus taught is important.

I know parents who are great with making sure their children grow up knowing that church is a high priority and there is rarely an excuse to miss church for anything.

However, the one weekly church gathering is also the only weekly encounter, discussion of, or maybe even mention of God during the week.

I know parents who are great at praying with their children. They are role models for the whole church on how prayer should be a continual thing in our daily lives.

But at the slightest inconvenience, church attendance, or lack thereof is “not a big deal” to them.

If there was one thing I could go back and passionately convey to the parents of the youth I worked with, it would be: training up your child is much less about singling out a task or two and much more about creating a God-culture in the home.

Not just any culture or even a culture about Christian responsibilities but knowing how to live every part of our lives with God at the center.

You have maybe heard the saying in the church world…

“We either have a culture by design or a culture by default.”

Every gathering place has a culture.

Our country has a culture. Your community has a culture. Your church has a culture.

And yes, even your home has a culture.

One of the greatest responsibilities of parents is to set the culture of the home.

If the culture of the home is not set on purpose, it is set by default.

Occasionally, the default may even work out well. You may know a family where that is the case. You have no idea how their children could grow up to function in society, let alone serve God, yet they do.

The immense responsibility of training up children in the way they should go is much too important to simply hope it all works out.

Our faith and our hope are in God, but as in all things God asks us to do, there is His part and our part. We can’t do His and He won’t do ours.

What does that mean for parents?

You have to purposely set the culture in your home.

We can tell our children many things, but what we model speaks much louder.

If we say we are training our children that church is important, but we do not make church attendance and participation a high priority , we are not really training them in the right way.

If we tell our children to honor and who to honor and then allow talk and tone in our home that is dishonoring, from them or us, we are failing to truly train.

Even if we passionately convey the generous heart of God; even if we preach “give and be generous,” but we are stingy with our time, our treasure or with our talents, we miss valuable training moments.

Forgiveness, hospitality, acceptance, priorities, passion, service, evangelism, worship, peace, wisdom, and love – all have to be part of the culture of our homes if we truly desire to “train our children in the way they should go.”

When we purposely build God’s culture in our homes, an amazing thing happens – we see Godly fruit in the lives of our youth and kids.

Instead of trying to “be good” externally, they internally grow and develop character from having a heart for God because they have seen this modeled in our homes.

Your home and mine has a culture.

We either set the culture or the culture develops on its own. In the society we live in today, the only way we can tackle this incredible responsibility and honor to parent our children is to train them up in a culture designed by God!

Luke Smith is an Associate Pastor at Life Church in Danville, IL. He is also the writer of our Fearless Series. Before taking to position of Associate Pastor at Life Church, Luke worked for 10 years as the Youth Pastor.  Luke and his wife, Katie, have served the church they attend for the past twelve years.  With four children of their own, Luke and Katie are always looking for new and exciting ways to reach and share to students with the truth of Jesus.  Their passion is to connect with, influence, and empower young people to do God’s work.